‘Twas the night before Christmas, and wherever one looks,
You see kitchens alive, with so many cooks.
To the North and the South, to the West and the East,
Everyone’s scrambling, to set up a feast.

It’s all about food, at this holiday season,
When calories don’t count, for some unknown reason.
For some it’s the cookies, for some it’s the pies,
There are all kinds of goodies to elicit those sighs.

But there’s one breed of man, even hardier than most,
Who sets up a dinner, about which he boasts.
Dire warnings won’t sway him, so don’t even try,
When it’s time to make dinner – there’s a turkey to fry!

Now out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter,
We rushed to the window, to see what was the matter!
When what to our wondering eyes should appear,
But some guy in an apron, with a bottle of beer!

He was moving a burner, all shiny bright,
It was easy to see, in the moon’s yellow light.
It dwarfed all around it, and was pulled on a sleigh,
And the jolly guy chuckled – he’d been building it since May!

The sleigh had eight tractors, all saying John Deere,
And they soon let us know we had something to fear.
What was he doing, with a burner this massive?
It couldn’t bode well, for anything festive.

With his burner in place, now a rumbling was heard,
And everyone turned, as he spoke not a word.
A crane had arrived, with a 40-foot pot,
And he set it right down, right there on the spot.

On the burner it landed, and with a crash and clatter,
The noise was horrendous, we were temped to scatter!
But the jolly old cook, took a sip of his beer,
And waved for a tank truck, to suddenly appear.

Then out came a hose, and a driver to toil,
To pump in hundreds of gallons of vegetable oil!
He filled up the pot, then drove off with a sigh,
As all of us stared at the jolly old guy.

What was next, we all wondered, for this half-crazed old chef,
What else would he do, what other mischief?
Now he spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And holding a match, he arose with a jerk.

From under the pot, there arose such a roar,
It was almost as through it was wanting to soar!
The burner was roaring, from a gas tank beneath,
With a fire so fierce, it was shaking our teeth!

For the cook’s final trick, he just grinned like an elf,
And I wanted to like him, in spite of myself.
“I’m sure he’s just harmless, cooking a meal,
“A bit bigger than most, but what’s the big deal?”

Then the turkey arrived, and we all soon made way,
For the bird had arrived, on another red sleigh.
Even from a distance, you could see it was heavy,
For this turkey was larger, than a ‘55 Chevy.

Giving a nod, he sprang to the crane,
And lifted the bird in the air with a chain.
With the twitch of a lever and a pull at his beer,
Above the boiling oil, the massive turkey got near.

All of us gasped, as we noticed the twinkle,
And understood in a moment, this latest little wrinkle.
The moonlight was bouncing again and again,
Off ice on the bird – it was still frozen!

With a scream and a roar, we all dove for cover,
As the giant bird paused, as though in a hover.
Then on down it went, and into the pot,
And on into history, I do kid you not.

The sleigh it went one way, the pot went another
And all the John Deere’s disappeared in a blur.
The bird became airborne and soon came to rest,
Three miles over, perched in a nest.

And the flames lit the sky, with a glow oh so bright,
On that holiday evening, it was quite a delight!
And the old cook exclaimed, as he flew out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

Paul can be reached at paul2887@ykwc.net.